God is Love
Exploring the Meaning of Love
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
— 1 John 4:8 NKJV
The good news is that we have a concise and biblical definition of God.
The bad news is we don’t know what love is.
My trouble with the statement that God is love is that I believe God is probably the most misunderstood word we, as a society, use since so many who use it mean something different. My other issue is that I believe the second most misused word is love because we all mean something slightly different by it. Therefore, we can all agree that God is love while simultaneously disagreeing on what that means in a practical sense.
Allow me to complicate things further.
I believe in God
I believe in God. I have met many people who do not believe in God. My natural tendency is to want to convince them that God does exist. They then argue that God does not exist. I agree with them as they begin describing the god they do not believe in. People will say to me things like, “I don’t believe in a god who tortures babies for all eternity simply because their parents did not baptize them.” And I have to agree; I also do not believe in that god. I do not believe in most gods that some might claim exist. I believe in just one God, and that is the God revealed to us through nature and the Bible.
I believe in God, but that does not mean I fully understand God. I admit that I still have much to learn about God.
What is love?
The Bible clearly states that God is love. So, if we believe in the Bible and the God of the Bible, we agree that God is love. However, a challenge arises when we try to decide what love is.
There was a popular song when I was a teenager. The singer asked the question, “What is love?” and followed it up with the line, “Baby, don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me, no more.” Isn’t it interesting that this song associates love with pain and suffering?
I remember a friend of mine who was going through, I think it was her third, abusive relationship. She was sharing with me how she was done with love because all it ever got her was hurt and pain. Isn’t it amazing how much someone you love can hurt you? Our enemies can never hurt us the way a loved one can. I expect the worst from an enemy, but to be hurt by someone you love is a much worse pain.
Another way to think about this is the following. No one can kill God. Yet, love caused God to freely choose to die to save us. From my perspective, this makes love the most powerful force in the universe. Force, fear, and intimidation can only go so far. But love has no boundaries. We should not underestimate the power of love and be careful with what we choose to love and what we allow ourselves to love. (I remember watching a short film back in 2011, and a line from it stuck with me, “love is like life, but longer.” )
Another singer declares that he wants to know what love is. This is an older song, but the singer says, “I want to know what love is, " then adds, “I want you to show me.” That line makes me uncomfortable. Maybe it’s because I have a daughter now, but it makes me wonder if this line is a tool for manipulation. However, I know God is love, and I am called to love others, including my enemies. I am terrified of love and of being taken advantage of.
Sometimes, we are tempted to think it is easy to love, but the challenge is finding the right person to love. So, we withhold love and blame the other person for not being worthy of our love. But what if it is loving that is incredibly difficult? I do not write this as someone who has figured it all out but as someone who regularly wrestles with this.
37 Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ 38 This is the first and great commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.”
— Matthew 22:37-40 NKJV
Jesus summarizes life as love first towards God, a love that is complete and unrestrained. And love towards those around us that matches our love for ourselves. So, there are degrees to love. My love and devotion towards God should not be directed at anyone or anything else besides God. There is also a degree of love that is dedicated to our spouse, to our parents, to our children, etc. It gets complex. But I think one of the key points is that I am called to show love even towards my enemies. (See my post Love your Enemies)
But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,
— Matthew 5:44 NKJV
This is a complex topic. I do not have all the answers, but I hope to point you in the right direction. Even in dealing with our enemies, love should dictate our behavior. But how do we know what the loving thing to do is?
“love does not define God, but God defines love.”
— Warren W. Wiersbe, The Bible Exposition Commentary, vol. 2 (Wheaton, IL: Victor Books, 1996), 515–516.
This is an important point because there is a temptation that we will read that God is love, agree with it, believe in it, and then define God according to our definition of love. And let’s be honest, most of us do not have a healthy or consistent notion of love. But we assume we know what love is, and instead of studying the Bible to find out what God is like, we assume we know because we know that God is love, and we know (supposedly) what love is. So we have people claiming that God is like this or that without a scriptural basis beyond the statement that “God is love.”
If I can’t just assume I know what God is like simply because I understand what love is, how do I discover who God is and what love truly is?
A Humble Approach to the Bible
I admire those who approach their faith from the perspective of Sola Scriptura, or the Bible alone, but I also like to include Tota Scriptura, that is, the entire Bible. If we genuinely want to know God, we cannot simply ignore the parts of the Bible that we don’t like because they challenge our lifestyle or personal theology. This is a lifelong journey where I am continually studying the Bible in its entirety and allowing it to shape my understanding of God and love.
Making it practical
We may be tempted to think that love says yes to everything. As a child, I remember thinking that if my parents really loved me, they would say “yes” to everything I asked of them.
“Mom, can I have ice cream for dinner?”
“Of course, my son, after all, I love you.”
That never happened growing up. My parents understood that ice cream for dinner would not be good for me. The loving response was to say no to me. The same was true for me; wanting to stay home and play video games instead of going to school or watching as much TV as I wanted to. My parents were strict in many ways, but I now understand it was because they loved me and wanted what was best for me.
Now that I am a father, I understand that I care about what my kids do because I love them. I know that bad habits will make everything else in life more difficult. I also know that good habits will help them enjoy life a lot more and accomplish more. I say this to illustrate that knowing the loving answer means understanding what the best options are, and those vary depending on the desired outcome.
In our church, we have club ministries, which sometimes feel strict. The same can be said about a school or a sports team you join. The coach does not push you because he doesn’t love you; the coach pushes you because she wants you to succeed. Your teacher pushes you in class so you can learn and grow. Allowing you to do whatever you want is rarely a sign of love, and permissiveness often indicates a lack of love.
Sometimes, the loving answer is a “no.”
He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”
— Matthew 26:39 NKJV
What do you think would be the loving answer to Jesus’ prayer?
Well, if he didn’t want to drink the cup of His suffering, it seems like the loving answer would be to let the cup pass from Jesus without Him having to drink it. But that would mean that all of us, all of humanity, would be doomed to a life of suffering without any hope of life, forgiveness, or salvation. Then, you would probably agree that the loving answer to Jesus’ prayer would be a “no.” As in God saying, “I cannot let this cup pass from You.” Because God knew that the plan was to save us, and the only way to save us was for Jesus to die for our sins.
I hope this makes sense to you. Because God loves us, He sent Jesus to die for us.
For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.
—John 3:16NKJV
Because Jesus loves us, He was willing to follow the plan. That is why He asked that the Father’s will be done. Jesus understood that living as a human being here on earth sometimes meant His will was not necessarily what was best, and He trusted in the Father to know what was best.
Practical Application
Though the loving thing to do may not always be obvious, when I seek it, I am already on the right track. The unloving action/decision is never an option.
The loving thing to do often means doing the uncomfortable thing now for a future benefit. Sometimes, the loving thing to do is confront the bully, break the cycle of abuse, and deal with the root of the issue instead of just putting band-aids on it. Have the difficult conversation, but do it in love. Ask God to guide you, trust in God, and do what is best for the person in need of help.
Knowing that God is love means that He always knows what the best option is and can guide you. Even more, God always acts in a loving way, so I can have complete trust in Him and in His will. Even when His will is different from mine, I can trust that His will is best. This means that if I could see things from God’s perspective, I would want the same thing He wants for my life because it is the best thing for my life.
Finally, just like the example of Jesus praying in the garden, the loving thing to do is not necessarily the easiest thing to do. The loving thing for Jesus to do was to die on the cross for our sins. The loving thing for the Father to do was to say no to Jesus’s request to let the cup pass from Him.
