Dysfunctional Family
““All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.””
Anna Karenina, by Russian author Leo Tolstoy, was first published in book form in 1878 and is widely considered to be one of the greatest works of literature ever written. (The Top Ten: Writers Pick Their Favourite Books) And Tolstoy chose to begin his nearly 900-page masterpiece with the following sentence.
"All happy families are alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."
Whether or not you agree with Tolstoy, you have to admit that is a great line to open a novel.
We tend to assume that all biblical heroes lived perfect lives, that in their wisdom they never made mistakes, and that God’s blessings meant things were always smooth and easy.
Joseph is by no means an obscure Bible character. I am talking about Joseph son of Jacob and Rachel (Genesis 30:22-24). But because the story is so familiar there is a danger of overlooking the richness of this epic biblical narrative. This post is part one of a more careful look at the story of Joseph and the many struggles his family faced.
Jacob in Canaan
Now Jacob dwelt in the land where his father was a stranger, in the land of Canaan.
- Genesis 37:1 NKJV
The description of Jacob dwelling in the land of Canaan is significant. The Patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, were often described as outsiders who received their land by promise.
Also I give to you and your descendants after you the land in which you are a stranger, all the land of Canaan, as an everlasting possession; and I will be their God.”
- Genesis 17:8 NKJVAnd give you the blessing of Abraham,
To you and your descendants with you,
That you may inherit the land
In which you are a stranger,
Which God gave to Abraham.”
- Genesis 28:4 NKJV
The fact that Jacob is actually dwelling in the land where both Abraham and Isaac had been strangers is huge! From Jacob’s perspective, he has arrived, and the promise has been fulfilled. Life should be easy now. God has given him what He promised his father and grandfather. Unless, of course, Jacob also remembered the prophecy God told Abraham.
Then He said to Abram: “Know certainly that your descendants will be strangers in a land that is not theirs, and will serve them, and they will afflict them four hundred years.
- Genesis 15:13 NKJV
The history of Jacob?
This is the history of Jacob.
Joseph, being seventeen years old, was feeding the flock with his brothers. And the lad was with the sons of Bilhah and the sons of Zilpah, his father’s wives; and Joseph brought a bad report of them to his father.
- Genesis 37:2 NKJV
I know I entitled this series “Joseph” but the text says it’s the story of Jacob. Joseph may be the main character we follow in this story but the story is about his family, about the sons of Jacob or the children of Israel. Even though we will be learning a lot about Joseph, the story is about Jacob. It is about God fulfilling His promises to the patriarchs, Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. In other words, as we learn about Joseph, what happens to him and his experiences are really a part of the journey of God’s people. Joseph’s experiences must be viewed in light of God’s promises to the patriarchs.
We meet Joseph at the age of 17 feeding the flock with his brothers. Bilhah and Zilpah are described as Jacob’s wives but according to Genesis 30, Bilhah was originally Rachel’s maid, and Rachel gave her to jacob because she could not bear children. Then Leah, who is Jacob’s first wife and also Rachel’s sister (crazy, I know!) gives Jacob her maid Zilpah as a wife so she can bear him more children. (I have a whole post on this entitled He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not)
Since Joseph is the youngest brother in the fields we would expect him to be the lowest-ranking brother. However, He is the one who brings a bad report to his father. Was he being a snitch? Was he being an obedient son? The text is not clear in this aspect. Was Joseph there as a supervisor even though he was the youngest of Jacob’s sons present? Did his brothers have a lower ranking because their mothers had been maidservants? These questions are left unanswered. Some also point out that the detail that Joseph gives the report to his father as opposed to their father is further evidence of the tension within the family.
Mention of the two concubine wives, Bilhah and Zilpah, brings forward the rivalry between Leah and Rachel (30:3, 9) and thus the tension among their respective sons. That Joseph was shepherding with the sons of the secondary wives heightens the incongruity of his youth and influential voice with Jacob, but we are not to understand that Joseph was only among the sons of the secondary wives.
- K. A. Mathews, Genesis 11:27–50:26, vol. 1B, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2005), 687–688.
However, the fact that Joseph is the youngest brother mentioned foreshadows difficulties based on the previous narratives of the patriarchs. Ishmael did not get along with Isaac (Genesis 21:9 blog post here), and Esau did not get along with Jacob (Genesis 27:41 blog post here). It is interesting to note that there is no mention of the brother’s reaction to Joseph bringing a bad report to Jacob.
Favoritism
Now Israel loved Joseph more than all his children, because he was the son of his old age. Also he made him a tunic of many colors.
- Genesis 37:3 NKJV
Favoritism caused problems in the family of Isaac, Isaac loved Esau but his wife Rebekah loved Jacob (Genesis 25:28 blog post). And Jacob loved Rachel more than Leah (Genesis 29:30 blog post). Jacob seems blind to the problems favoritism will cause even though he has personally experienced those problems. Sadly, we often do the same. Unless we are very intentional and careful we are likely to repeat the mistakes of our parents. And so multigenerational abuse and dysfunction continue.
A quick note on the phrase “son of his old age”
son of his old age—Benjamin being younger, was more the son of his old age and consequently on that ground might have been expected to be the favorite. Literally rendered, it is “son of old age to him”—Hebrew phrase, for “a wise son”—one who possessed observation and wisdom above his years—an old head on young shoulders.
- Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset, and David Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible, vol. 1 (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997), 38.
Israel or Jacob?
Genesis 37:3 refers to Jacob by his other name Israel. Israel is the name God gave Jacob ( Genesis 32:27-28 blog post). The name Israel reminds us that Jacob struggled with God and with men and prevailed. Israel also reminds us of God’s faithfulness, even in life’s darkest moments. I wonder if this is a reminder that though Jacob had these incredible experiences with God, it does not mean he stopped making mistakes. I wonder if this is a reminder of God’s faithfulness despite our foolish behavior. Perhaps in anticipation of Joseph’s struggles due to his father’s favoritism toward him, the name Israel reminds the reader that God is faithful, and because of God’s faithfulness, there is hope for Joseph.
Jacob is a deeply flawed human being, but God is faithful.
Jacob’s family is dysfunctional, but God is faithful.
Multicolored Tunic
Jacob exacerbated the tension when he provided Joseph a “richly ornamented robe,” distinguishing his son. This garment introduces the important literary idea of clothing in the Joseph narrative. The bestowal and removal of Joseph’s attire signified change in his social standing. The stripping of his garment by his brothers (v. 23) and the seizure of his cloak by Potiphar’s wife (39:12–13) represented his descending status—from favored son to slave, from slave overseer to prisoner. The snatched garments were used in both cases to bolster false claims against Joseph
- K. A. Mathews, Genesis 11:27–50:26, vol. 1B, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2005), 689.
The Hebrew term translated as “tunic of many colors” is tricky to translate and interpret. The only other time it appears in the Bible is in 2 Samuel 13:18-19 as a reference to the robe of many colors that the king’s virgin daughters wore. What we know for sure is that this garment was a constant reminder to all the sons of Jacob that Joseph was the favorite.
Hate
But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and could not speak peaceably to him.
- Genesis 37:4 NKJV
The coat was proof that Joseph was indeed the favorite. It was not just a feeling or a theory, there was clear and unmistakable proof. Sadly Jacob’s favoritism caused his sons to hate their brother Joseph. If you have children or siblings, you might have experienced periods where siblings struggle to speak peaceably to each other. If you have experienced this you know how painful it can be not only for the parents but even for the siblings. Apparently, there was no peace in Jacob’s home.
However, when we look at the cultural context we see this goes a bit deeper.
could not speak peaceably unto him—did not say “peace be to thee” [Ge 43:23, &c.], the usual expression of good wishes among friends and acquaintances. It is deemed a sacred duty to give all this form of salutation; and the withholding of it is an unmistakable sign of dislike or secret hostility. The habitual refusal of Joseph’s brethren, therefore, to meet him with “the salaam,” showed how ill-disposed they were towards him. It is very natural in parents to love the youngest, and feel partial to those who excel in talents or amiableness. But in a family constituted as Jacob’s—many children by different mothers—he showed great and criminal indiscretion.
- Robert Jamieson, A. R. Fausset, and David Brown, Commentary Critical and Explanatory on the Whole Bible, vol. 1 (Oak Harbor, WA: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997), 38.Dreams
5 Now Joseph had a dream, and he told it to his brothers; and they hated him even more. 6 So he said to them, “Please hear this dream which I have dreamed: 7 There we were, binding sheaves in the field. Then behold, my sheaf arose and also stood upright; and indeed your sheaves stood all around and bowed down to my sheaf.”
8 And his brothers said to him, “Shall you indeed reign over us? Or shall you indeed have dominion over us?” So they hated him even more for his dreams and for his words.
- Genesis 37:5-8 NKJV
The text is not clear about what motivated Jacob to share his dream with his brothers. It is clear that we, the readers, need to know the content of his dreams since they foreshadow what will happen in the story. But why would Joseph share his dreams with his brothers who could not speak peaceably to him because of his favoritism? I mean, c’mon Joseph, read the room! Keep your dreams to yourself. The sharing of his dreams only increased his brother’s hatred toward him.
Personally, I believe this reveals incredible naivete on Joseph’s part. Did he not notice how his brothers felt about him? Was Joseph really so clueless as to not know this would only make matters worse? The fact that he dreamed this would also be similar to saying this is God’s decree. Joseph’s brothers did not care for his dream or his words.
Perhaps you think it odd for Joseph to dream about sheaves since he and his brothers have been described as shepherds. However, there is a mention of Jacob planting and harvesting wheat in Genesis 26:12. So it is possible that his sons would also help with farming. Another possibility is that this dream is foreshadowing something that will happen later in the story that will involve wheat, or food in general, and Joseph and his brothers.
More Dreams
9 Then he dreamed still another dream and told it to his brothers, and said, “Look, I have dreamed another dream. And this time, the sun, the moon, and the eleven stars bowed down to me.”
10 So he told it to his father and his brothers; and his father rebuked him and said to him, “What is this dream that you have dreamed? Shall your mother and I and your brothers indeed come to bow down to the earth before you?” 11 And his brothers envied him, but his father kept the matter in mind.
- Genesis 37:9-11 NKJV
I appreciate Matthews’ insight into Joseph’s two dreams.
“Another dream” confirms the authenticity of the revelation (cf. 41:32). All of the dreams in the Joseph narrative occur in pairs. That there are two dreams exhibits the pattern of doubling often employed in the narrative. The second dream has obvious differences from the first, but the fundamental meaning, namely, that Joseph will rule over his family members, is essentially equivalent.
- K. A. Mathews, Genesis 11:27–50:26, vol. 1B, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2005), 691.
Though Jacob rebukes Joseph, he kept the matter in mind since he had witnessed God follow through on things He revealed through dreams. (more on my post Gate of Heaven)
Takeaway
Throughout the book of Genesis, there is a recurring theme of expectancy and hope, by lacking full contentment and producing a hunger for the future work of God. (K. A. Mathews, 667.) Our lives are not much different. The good news is that we know God’s plan for our lives.
Then the King will say to those on His right hand, ‘Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world:
- Matthew 25:34 NKJV
I may not know all the details of God’s plan. And to be fair, neither did Joseph. But I know that God has good things in mind for me.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
- Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV
Like Joseph, we will struggle in this life. We may be surrounded by people who hate us for our dreams. There may be people that feel threatened by your potential, by your work ethic, by your honesty, and by your kindness.
Maybe, similar to Joseph, even the people in your family fail to love and support you. It hurts when those closest to you cant speak peaceably with you or wish you to succeed.
But that is when we remember the name Israel, the one who wrestled with God and humans and prevailed. Jacob did not prevail because he possessed superhuman strength. He prevailed because he refused to let God go until He blessed him. (Wrestling with God) Jacob prevailed because God showed up and God is faithful.
We too prevail because of God’s faithfulness.
Even if we fail to achieve all that God has in store for us here on earth, we have an even greater reward to look forward to.
2 Then I, John, saw the holy city, New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from heaven saying, “Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and He will dwell with them, and they shall be His people. God Himself will be with them and be their God. 4 And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.”
5 Then He who sat on the throne said, “Behold, I make all things new.” And He said to me, “Write, for these words are true and faithful.”
- Revelation 21:2-5 NKJV
This is it for this post. But you don’t want to miss part two, coming soon!
