When You Don't Understand

I would love to tell you that I always know what God is doing. I would love to tell you that I always understand God’s plan as it unfolds in my life and in the lives of those around me. But I could never honestly make those claims. The truth is that I don’t always know what God is doing and He has often surprised me with how things turn out in the end. I often wish I could know exactly what God is doing, but I am learning that I do not have to know everything. I just need to know enough.

I need to know enough to trust God.

Who knows?

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that His hour had come that He should depart from this world to the Father, having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.

And supper being ended, the devil having already put it into the heart of Judas Iscariot, Simon’s son, to betray Him, Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.
- John 13:1-5 NKJV

I imagine people around me marvel at how little I know in some regards. When I am on vacation don’t ask me about schedules, plans, or times. I always travel with someone who knows that information. When I was young it was my mother or father, later it was my sister or a friend, now it’s usually my wife or a friend. I like to have my focus on the now, to be fully immersed in the experience, especially when I am on vacation.

When I am at church I know that class I am teaching, and I know the message I am preaching. But if you were to ask me about any of the other many things taking place at church on a Sabbath morning I would not be able to give you the best explanation, but hopefully, I would be able to guide you to one of the many very capable ministry leaders we have at church.

I like to do things well, and I am afraid I can only do a few things well at a time. So I do my best to surround myself with incredible, gifted, capable men and women of all ages so that together we can do great things for the benefit of others and the glory of God.

Why do I bring this up?

The text I quoted above, John 13:1-5 marks the beginning of Jesus’ farewell address. If you are seeking a beautifully moving and challenging piece of literature that will challenge you to your very core, John 13 is a great place!

This chapter, which introduces the Farewell Cycle, is one of the masterpieces of Christian literature that sears itself on the mind of anyone who has heard or read it.
- Gerald L. Borchert, John 12–21, vol. 25B, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2002), 75.

When you read this beautiful text I would encourage you to pay special attention to the words and what they reveal about Jesus and His disciples. John clearly indicates that Jesus is the One who knows things. Jesus knows that He will die soon. Jesus also knows that He came from God and will return to God. Jesus also knew that the Father had given all things into His hands. Jesus is God, Jesus is in control, Jesus knows everything.

From the position of absolute power and knowledge Jesus acts.

Jesus chooses to act as a servant, a humble servant. For context John 1:27 records John the baptist saying he was unworthy to untie the sandal straps of Jesus. Yet here we have Jesus behaving as the lowliest of slaves.

touching feet was regarded as menial slave work and as such was primarily an assignment given to Gentile slaves and women.
- Gerald L. Borchert, John 12–21, vol. 25B, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2002), 79.

Proper etiquette, generally more important in the East than in the West, taught that guests, begrimed from journeying through the dusty streets, should, on arrival, have their feet washed by a slave. This was a particularly humble task, included in a list of works which a Jewish slave should not be required to perform.
- Bruce Milne, The Message of John: Here Is Your King!: With Study Guide, The Bible Speaks Today (Leicester, England; Downers Grove, IL: InterVarsity Press, 1993), 196.

According to tradition, a slave should have washed their feet as they came in. The materials for the foot washing were made available but there was no slave available. Since none of the disciples are prepared to fulfill the duty (one does not wash the feet of peers!), they ate the meal with unwashed feet.

At the end of the meal, Jesus shocks them by taking on the role of a humble servant.

What should I do?

Jesus was behaving in an unexpected way. What should the disciples do?

In my studies, I was not able to find any other example in the literature of the ancient world before the coming of Jesus where such a foot-washing by a leader occurs. The closest I could find was a rabbinic story.

A familiar rabbinic story is told in Pe’a 1.15c.14 of Rabbi Ishmael, whose mother sought to honor him by washing his feet when he arrived home from the synagogue. After he refused her because he viewed her effort as dishonoring to her and ultimately to him, she sought a censure against him from the rabbinic court for his refusal to allow her to honor him. This story provides some insight into the perspectives of shame and honor in Judaism. For further information see Str-B 1.707. (H. Strack and P. Billerbeck, Kommentar zum Neuen Testament)
- Gerald L. Borchert, John 12–21, vol. 25B, The New American Commentary (Nashville: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 2002).

We don’t know who’s feet Jesus washed first or last but we do know that when He got to Peter Peter could not handle it.

Then He came to Simon Peter. And Peter said to Him, “Lord, are You washing my feet?”

Jesus answered and said to him, “What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this.”
- John 13:6-7 NKJV (bold mine)

Jesus was doing something that Peter did not understand. Peter did not know how to react, how to interpret what Jesus was doing. Peter asked Jesus for clarification, but Jesus did not make it clear right away.

How often do you struggle with understanding what Jesus is doing?

How often do you question God, much like Peter, wondering if God is really doing what it looks like He is doing?

Sometimes God acts in unexpected ways. Sometimes it looks like God is not acting at all. So what do you do when you don’t understand what God is doing in your life?

I am afraid you might not like my answer to this question.

When I don’t understand what God is doing in my life, I draw closer to Him, asking questions, searching for direction. I don’t always know and it is never easy, but I know of no other way to go about it.

Dialogue

As Peter struggles with and questions Jesus he learns and grows.

Peter said to Him, “You shall never wash my feet!”

Jesus answered him, “If I do not wash you, you have no part with Me.”
John 13:8 NKJV

I often hear people criticize Peter for his behavior, but I can relate to him. I don’t like the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing what is going on and I especially dislike not knowing how I should act. Peter does not want to miss an opportunity to do the right thing. He probably thought that Jesus was waiting for someone to stop Him, so Peter decides to do just that. Peter wants to save Jesus from humiliating Himself.

Do we ever try to save God from humiliating Himself?

Though you may want to criticize Peter for speaking out, I am glad he did, because from his interaction with Jesus we learn something we did not know before.

I strongly believe that Jesus can handle all our questions. Jesus can handle our anger. Jesus can handle our frustration. I believe that Jesus prefers for us to go to Him with our questions, anger, and frustrations. As long as we are coming to Jesus there are opportunities for blessings and for growth. The only problem is if we walk away from Jesus because of our questions, anger, and frustrations. Walking away from Jesus does not solve any of our problems, if anything, it creates new ones and magnifies old ones.

Because Peter tried to stop Jesus. Because Peter confronted Jesus, we all gained an insight into Jesus’ behavior.

Unless Jesus washes us, we have no part with Him.

Jesus is our Lord, our God, our Savior. Yet we do not clean His feet, He cleanses us. We do not feed Him, He feeds us. God does not need us, we need Him. He desires to have us with Him, and will cleanse and save us so that we can be together! God saves us. We do not save ourselves. We only love Him because He loved us first!

Faith

In my mind, it all comes down to faith. I may not always understand what God is doing, but I know enough about God to know that He is good and that He loves me. God loves me even more than I love myself. So when I do not understand, I hang on to Him. I ask questions, I pray, I struggle, I wrestle, and I wait (not always patiently but I try).

What God is doing does not always make sense right away. God does not always behave in the way I would expect. But in hindsight, it becomes more clear to us. After the fact, when we look back, it becomes easier to discern what God was accomplishing. If it still doesn’t make sense, maybe you just need more time.

Maybe you’re struggling right now to understand what God is doing in your life. Maybe you’re hurting, or someone you love is hurting. Maybe you’re scared, and that makes sense given all that is going on in your life and in the world around us. I wish I could tell you exactly what God is doing, but to be honest, I don’t know. What I do know, is that God loves you and that one day it will all make sense. For now, you just have to believe.

Maybe you don’t like this answer. Maybe you feel like it’s a cop-out. But Jesus’ willingness to die on the cross demonstrates His great love for us, His desire to save us and to be with us.

Jesus humbled Himself and washed the feet of His disciples, even of Judas who would later betray Him. Jesus was not only teaching His followers a lesson at that time, He gave us an example to follow.

Blessed are you if…

So when He had washed their feet, taken His garments, and sat down again, He said to them, “Do you know what I have done to you? You call Me Teacher and Lord, and you say well, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet. For I have given you an example, that you should do as I have done to you. Most assuredly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master; nor is he who is sent greater than he who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them.
- John 13:12-17 NKJV

There is a special blessing for those of us who are willing to humble ourselves and serve one another. There is a blessing for us when we choose to live our lives like Jesus lived His, in service of God for the blessing of others. The blessing is there for those who know and do these things.

As you do these things, let it deepen the impression on your heart of Who Jesus is, what He did, and what He is willing to do for you.